Name Me Loud

[verse 1]

I lost my job, lost my mind, lost the last fuck I could afford

He was fucking some guy in our bed

while I bled on the bathroom floor

They shaved me like a warning

hooked me up like holiday lights

Kept smiling like trauma makes a good punchline

Needle in my dick

co-pay from hell

Happy fucking Tuesday

[pre-chorus 1]

I learned how to cry in ER lighting

how to throw up without a sound

how to fake fine when the meds kicked sideways

He said I was “too much”

Bitch, I was barely breathing

But I’m still here

Held together by sarcasm, spite, and prescription glue

Still

Still

[chorus]

So name me loud

Like I came back wrong

Like I didn’t die when I was supposed to

Like I turned my pain into a fucking playlist

Name me loud

Like I still taste fire

Like I turned the wreck into records

You didn’t break me

You just gave me bars

So name me

Name me

LOUD

[verse 2]

You—scrolling WebMD with your pants around your ankles

Wondering if this one’s gas or grief

You—who keeps a Google Doc of your symptoms

because no one believed you

You—staring at old photos

trying to remember who the fuck that was

Don’t tell me you’re fine

I know that lie

I built a whole fucking record on it

[pre-chorus 2]

I dropped two albums while my insides fell apart

Wrote lyrics with shaking hands

Did interviews next to a puke bucket

And no one clapped

They just asked, “Are you better now?”

Fuck that

You performed bleeding

and still hit the note

Still

Still

[chorus 2]

So name me loud

Like a slur that I flipped

Like your guilt still chokes you at night

Like I turned your silence into synths

Name me loud

Like the pills never kicked in

Like the bed was a coffin

But I crawled out and made it a stage

So name me

Name me

LOUD

[bridge]

I shit on my sheets and still finished the mix

Puked between takes and still hit record

I got ghosted by my own fucking mirror

and still dropped two goddamn records

So don’t call me brave

Don’t feed me “inspiration”

You didn’t see me at 4am

deciding if I was worth the noise

But I stayed

I stayed

And now

I’m fucking

LOUD

[final chorus]

So name me loud

Like you miss the version of me you destroyed

Like I tattooed grief across your timeline

Like I kissed death and made it dance

Name me loud

Like a slasher flick with a synthpop ending

Like I wrote my will in Spotify drops

Like I’m not dead

just louder than God

And if you’re still here too—

Then scream with me, scream with me

LOUD

[outro]

Still

Still

Still here

I write the ending now.